Well, I decided to go back and delete most of my old journal entries. Only the ones that contain at least a little thruth, a little substance, are still up.

I'm extremely worried about things right now. I don't want to lose him, but I've never had any luck, now have I? I can't not be afraid. Things always seem to happen. Something always has to get fucked up. I can only pray that things are different this time. And hopefully they will be. He is different, at least if he's been truthful. I hate when my feelings blind me from the truth.. Ya know, we might be engaged, but I'm not completely sure about that. Never really was.. I mean, I really want it to be true. But I don't know if he meant it or not. All I know is that I'm happy. I love him more than anything, and I guess I loved him since I met him. Seriously, ask Katie.. I wanted to know everything about him that I could. Because I had never felt that way before. And that is all I had ever wanted. He has given me so much, I just pray that I can repay him. Though I have no idea how that could even be possible.

NO ONE should nessisarily view the Deviation entitled ".....". You can if you want, but stand warned.

My mom goes to court on Tuesday. Over custody. My dad want us for half of the year, two weeks a month. I think it's bullshit. I wish this would just end so we could get on with our lives. How can he still have all this power over us when he's so far away? I hate it...

I went to the doctor last night because I had a fever of like 101 and the tested me for strep and thought it might be mono so they gave me a blood test. And of course I must be deathly afraid of needles... It was neither, and not contageous. So I wonder how I got it.. They gave me medicine for it. Steroids and something else. Needless to say, I felt pretty high today. So school was a bit weird. And of course my choir teacher was giving me shit. My throat was fine today (or at least realy close) until I had to sing. That made it hurt again..

We may be getting kicked out of our apartment soon. A whole bunch of bullshit is going on. People moved in below us, and they are quite annoying. They insist on playing their music as loud as they can, and my mother and I have just let it go. But they decided to call the manager when we were playing DDR and complain. So no more DDR *cries*. They said we put cracks in their celling. So violation 1/3. My mom went to talk to them and they accused me and my friends of dealing drugs. Then my mom calls the manager because the dryer in the basement was broken, and she wanted to know if it was fixed or replaced. She was told it was replaced, and also that her children were a bunch of wild animals when she was not there. Supposidly, we run up and down the stairs like elephants, and we run around screaming between the hours of two and five. The day before this, I got home at 2:34 and got on my mom's computer to print out some herbal stuff. I was still on there when my sister got home, just after three, and ahe went into her room and went to sleep. So.. I was screaming at the computer?!?! Seriously.. But during this time, the neighbors had thier music on, so that the entire apartment was shaking. My mother mentioned this, and the manager said that he'd come by, he'd come by at three and check on HER KIDS. These people just piss me off.. A few days later, to the best of my memory, the guy living down there came to our door at 11:30 or later pounding on our door. My mom wasn't dressed, I was trying to sleep, and my sister was in the shower, so no one answered the door. After five minutes, he started screaming at us. "Open you'r fucking door! You're flooding my god damn apartment!" First, banging on someone's door at any time past ten without their knowledge is a bit rude to me, needless to say thirty minutes till midnight. But swearing at them? Come on! Grow up! It turns out that the plumming to my sister's toliet had broken, and was leaking into their apartment every time it was used. But they had called matenince (Supposidly fifty times in one hour.. Who's an asshole?) saying that we had left our sink on. Some guy showed up around one, and let them know that it was not our fault. About a week later, their ceiling was being fixed. We are still sharing one bathroom, and it has probably been a month, if not a little longer, since this happened.

Two Saturdays ago, we got something in the mail. Violation 2/3. "Children playing in unspecified areas." My mom got pissed and called up there. According to them, Me, Travis, Jake, Dave, another girl, and two other guys were smoking weed in the basement and were confronted by a woman named April, who got our names and varification that we were indeed smoking what she had assumed. Now, the day this supposidly happened was a Thursday on which we had school. So, all of us skipped? I think not. But of course, who believes us? April called Jake's mom a liar straight to her face. Can you say bitch of the year? I can. A-P-R-I-L. Turns out, she's the manager's daughter... According to them, Me, TT, Jake, and Travis are a gang. Have to laugh in their faces for that one. And of course they believe everything the man living downstairs tells them. But look at this list about him...

1. I've seen at least three women going in and out of his apartment using a key.
2. The loud music that shakes the apartments.
3. Cops were called on him for domestic violence.
4. The banging on our door at such an hour.
5. It's not much, but he supposidly always pays his rent late.
6. Parks in the front of the building, even after a sign was posted saying no one was allowed to park there, and violators would be towed.
7. Pet policy-Cats: $150 deposit. No dogs accepted. So, is it a bird, a cat, or a fish I hear barking?
8. It's always nice of them to leave the hall door open so that everyone freezes while going downstairs to check their mail and such.
9. Their baby loves to scream...


And yet, we are so damn close to silent. They want us out, fine! But I will be sure to press discrimination charges against them for falsely accusing me of something I did not do, and further threatening to arrest me.

All in all, the ignorance of the human race disgusts me.